...absit invidia...

Epsilon Fleet Executive Officer Justin Ashton Caught Burning Issues of The E!

After the closing comments of last week’s edition, Bubba was sent to stalk Epsilon Fleet Justin Ashton until he gave into having an interview with us. “Everyone knows I hate The E” squeaked FSF Justin. “I think it’s a waste of

Shuni Caught Red Handed With Stolen Copy of 'The E'!

We have caught Shuni looking at an advance copy of this issue, so we had to change it. We included this article just to trip him up. As you see, he is looking at the front cover of this newsletter WHEN HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING!!!

We at 'The E' find this a moral outrage, and we ask you to not let Shuni come by you if you see him. Instead, throw ripened tomatoes at him. He may try to get in your front door by offering you a spot in the FSF hosting body, do not be fooled. He is only after your candy. He has already stolen a copy of your favorite online read; please do not let him walk into your house and steal something of yours. We have contacted the Department of Justice and requested a "Shuni Watch" and leveled the terror alert level to magenta. Be warned simmers of Epsilon Fleet and the FSF, this man is up to no good.

Every edition we will have an interview with a random simmer of Epsilon Fleet.

No, that was not our simmer. That was smarterchild, a “bot” on AOL Instant Messenger. Here’s the real interview:

TheE: Hello, how are you?
Simmer: I dunno, how are you?
TheE: I am ok. I'm from the E, the newsletter that puts fear into the eyes of the FSF weekly. Do you mind if I ask you some questions?
Simmer: Ok
TheE: I was wondering what you did in Epsilon Fleet
Simmer: Well I'm a faithful member of the USS Atlantis, I'm the evil Chief of Security, kinda like the one I play on Providence, you know?
TheE: No, I don't know about the Providence. What's the Atlantis like?
Simmer: Well seeing that Rob seems to be off saving the world, and Joe is our Commander in Chief, it's a tad hectic, but fun.
TheE: What current plot are you in on Atlantis?
Simmer: Can I see your AP credentials?
TheE: No. What do you think of Rob's hosting?
Simmer: Rob is an excellent host, I've simmed with the greats in my time, including you, but Rob definitely tops it off.
TheE: I was wondering what you did in Epsilon Fleet
Simmer: Rob is an excellent host, I've simmed with the greats in my time, including you, but Rob definitely tops it off.
TheE: Ok.... So what else do you do beside simming?
Simmer: I'll be attending the Republican National Convention as a student representative, I like long walks on the beach, and I'll be attending a Congressional Leadership Conference in July.
TheE: Just one more question: If you could do one thing as CO of E Fleet, or tell the Fleet Command one thing, what would it be?
Simmer: The key to keeping this group successful is investigating new opportunities and possibilities for both sims and members. I think keeping this group fresh and always with some new feature, game, or cause is the key to keeping people active. ::hears jeopardy theme::
TheE: Thanks for your time! Your interview will be July 1st's edition of The E! :-)
Simmer: Just so you know, you're no Barbara Walters… Walter Cronkite, maybe, possibly Diane Sawyer

Our random simmer was chris033088 (AJChegwidden), maybe next time it'll be you!

What Star Trek character is he? Please send your answers to theE@abrom.net or PM yellowsubmarine on the forums. Your answer might show up on next week’s edition! =)

2. Who said, "Beam me up, Scotty."?
A. Uhh... Spot?
B. Captain Kirk.
C. The myth that Captain James Tiberius Kirk uterred those words is false. The closest spoken phrase was, "Scotty, Beam me up."

3. Name the space bunnies of TNG, DS9, VOY and Enterprise.
A. Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail.
B. There's more than Deanna?
C. Cmdr. Deanna Troi, Lt. Cmdr. Jadzia Dax, T'Pol, and Seven of Nine.

4. Are you a member of the Nitpickers' Guild?
A. The What?
B. I'm not an active member.
C. I gave Phil the idea.

5. Was your college thesis entitled, "Why Starfleet should ban Holodecks."?
A. Huh?
B. No, but I did quote from Star Trek.
C. Yes, and I built one to prove it.

How many pets do you name after Star Trek characters?
A. None.
B. A few.
C. Pets!... I name my kids after them.

7. Did you wear your Starfleet uniform to your wedding?
A. Come again?
B. I'm not that crazy. I just wore my comm pin.
C. Of course not. I wore my Klingon uniform.

8. Do you know the rules of Acquisition by heart?
A. Is that something by the Federal Trade Commission?
B. I know most of them.
C. I based my business on them, Hew-Mahn.

A= 0 points
B= 1 point
C= 2 points

Now add up your score. The scoring goes as follows:

0-4 points: Do you even watch the show? You don't qualify as a true Trekker. Go watch the shows and come back later.

5-19 points: You are a typical Trekker. I'm not saying that's normal. We Trekkers are a strange bunch. But, you can rest assured that you aren't addicted to Star Trek.

10-16 points: Congratulations, you are truly addicted to Star Trek. There are people that can help. Seek treatment immediately.